Once I had figured out where I stood on things I knew the next step was to come out to people. Before figuring out that I was bisexual I always heard about people coming out to others and I thought it was stupid. I didn't have any problem with their sexuality but didn't see the point in them having to state and tell everyone what it was. Then I came to terms with mine.
If you are straight you don't have to announce your sexuality. You date and move through life normally. But if you aren't then if you were to move through life normally people would have a problem. That is what I learned going through this. The coming out process is somewhat for the person but more for those he/she is coming out to. It is a way for them to know what is going on in the person's life.
Coming out to someone is always hard. You may know the person real well but there is always a question of how they are going to react. If they have never gone through something like this before you always have questions about how they will take the news. There is a risk of rejection and rejection from those that you are closest to is really hard. The thought of it as a possibility is a tough thing to deal with. You always hope for the best but you expect the worst to prepare yourself for that rejection.
For me I wanted to talk about this whole process with someone from the get go. But I didn't know who to talk to. I felt that everyone around me wouldn't get what I was going through or would try to influence me one way or another and I didn't want that. I wanted to find the path that I felt was best for me. So as I saw my family and my girlfriend and other close friends over the first few weeks I would die inside because I knew I couldn't talk to them. One way I process things I go through in life is to talk about them with someone. The act of talking about it, for me, helps me focus my mind and I can think clearer. But I can't just talk out loud to myself. I have to talk to someone. But I couldn't. So I restrained and did my best.
I found a local group that met. I decided to check it out to see if it would be a good thing for me or not. It was nice going there the first time. I felt welcomed and supported. I was able to finally talk out loud to someone. That helped me somewhat. But after a few weeks I knew I would have to come out to my family.
I tried feeling them out. I knew where they stood on gay people in general, they were pretty conservative, but I wasn't sure how they would react to someone directly in their lives. To get a little more practice in I decided to first tell my friend and former mission companion. I had recently reconnected with him on Facebook and found out that he was out as a gay man. But I wasn't sure where he stood with the church and wasn't sure how he would react with me wanting to stay active in the church. But I finally called him. He reacted well and said he knew that was why I was calling. He had known since the mission but knew I wasn't ready. He was supportive and a great friend.
The following week I knew I needed to talk to my family. I started by first coming out to my youngest brother. He and I have been close for years. I just felt that he would be the one for me to come out to first. I arranged with him to meet and we then went for a drive. We talked about stuff as we drove. Once we parked I struggled to tell him. I kept hedging and finally I told him. It all came out in a blubbering mess. I'm not a crier so when I do it isn't pretty. But we sat and talked for a while. I told him about everything. The hardest part for him was the anticipation from my build up. But he expressed his love and support of me.
The next day I was with my girlfriend and it came out. We had a long chat about it. We talked about our relationship and determined that it didn't change anything. I wasn't a blubbering mess this time. I did get a little emotional but I didn't outright cry. She was loving and supportive. She knew something was going on and after we talked she said she felt better.
The day after that I got together with my sister. We talked and I was able to be pretty composed. She took it pretty well too. I figured I wouldn't have too much of a problem with my youngest brother and sister. They are pretty loving and accepting of people, even if they disagree with the person.
The following day, on Wednesday, I decided I was on a roll and just bite the bullet and talk to my other brother. I was nervous to talk to him because he is pretty homophobic. He does not like homosexual people and has very negative reactions to them. I went to his place that night and we talked. We caught up on life and then I told him. I kept things very composed and matter of fact. He was shocked but as we talked his parting thought was the summary of everything. He said, "Just like you can't change how you feel I can't change the way I feel. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that we are family and family comes first." He didn't freak out. He didn't get hateful. He was loving and listened and made sure he knew that as a brother he was there for me.
I was happy. I didn't think my family would react this well. But I knew the next step was my parents. I set up a time for Sunday. When that came I went to their house and we sat down and talked. I came prepared with literature and scriptures and my thoughts and knowledge. We talked and I shared my experiences with this process. They asked questions and then my dad lectured. He is a lecturer. He likes to lecture us kids. He likes to try to teach us so we can avoid problems in our lives. It comes from his love for us. He had many great ideas and thoughts that I thought about and looked at to see if it applied to my life or not. They were not what many would classify as supportive but they were loving and let me know they were there for me.
I had finally done it. I had come out to my family and my girlfriend. I had no plans to tell anyone else. I figured that was all that I had to tell. Later I figured it was not the case but I was in a good place and ready to move on. While my family didn't jump up and embrace the whole LGBT community and such I was happy with how they reacted. They were not negative or hateful. And the one thing that was always there was their love for me.
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